African-American dancer rediscovers dream
My name is Carmelita. I am 27 years old and yearning to restart a dream that was shattered by fear and rejection. I have a story to tell that has probably been told many times before.
I originally started dance when I was five years old. I loved everything about dance. I loved the way the studio smelled of old ballet slippers. I was a very good student who had dreams of becoming a professional ballet dancer.
I danced in a local community-based dance program
for inner city kids. This program was designed to inspire, teach and expose inner city children with the opportunity to learn classical Ballet. Instead, it left a hole deep in my heart and soul that has yet to heal.
Imagine, if you can, being a young girl of African-American heritage being told, this should only be for fun, because they don't have too many professional black ballerinas. I was informed at age 12 to give dance up because I would just be wasting my time if I tried to pursue ballet as a career. It did not matter how good I was or how much I loved to dance, I was African-American,
and would never be accepted in mainstream ballet companies or colleges.
My mother was all too eager to remove me from the program. She did not have confidence in me, or wasn't remotely interested in my goals and ambitions. I never had a role model to tell me it was OK to try even if I failed.
My soul has ached for many years, and the depression of losing a dream has changed my life in so many ways.
As a teenager I once tried to restart my dance career, only to be told at age 14 that I was too old. Being told you are too old to pursue a dream at 14 did not help my self-esteem. At that point, I buried my dreams of ever becoming a dancer.
My teen years were not happy years. I withdrew from my peers and felt helpless and lost. I did not have the confidence to pick myself up and do what I wanted to do. Instead I found myself trying to please others, following what others wanted me to be.
I went to college and graduated from a nursing program. And helping others get well has made me realize what is
important for my own life. It has helped me overcome the fear and rejection of losing my dream. My dreams and ambitions were shattered and broken because I allowed people to dictate to me their own fears and rejections.
It is very important to teach young people to follow their hearts no matter what anyone says or feels. The influence of adults who claimed to be teachers and leaders made me lose the greatest gift God gave me: the gift of hope, inspiration, talent and happiness.
I wanted to share this sort of short synopsis of my life to make people realize, that without dreams we are empty souls wandering the earth. I don't want to live my life wandering anymore. I want to restart the career and
dream that was lost many years ago. I want to feel that confidence, joy, love, happiness, and -- most of all -- the way my soul and very presence felt when I was dancing. I have the will and determination to do this, I just don't know where to begin the process of starting all over. But whatever it takes, I am willing to follow my dreams once again. -- Carmelita Montez