| •The Women's Page •••••Tales from the adult dance student avant garde •••••Last updated 9 March 2001 |
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| We now have 11 stories, all as reported to Blue Diamond Dance by the dancers/writers. Here's a synopsis of each:
Karen has struggled with her love of dance and the lack of professional opportunities for late-starters. At age 41, she had the courage to take a crack at a college degree program in ballet, and came out if not sadder, then a little wiser. She has since found a better environment to continue her dance study, and now teaches ballet part time.
However, the seed had been planted! I worked out each and every day with a combination of Luigi jazz warmups, center barre, and Pilates stretches -- even during pregnancy and after surgeries. I credit this for allowing me to retain some amount of flexibility and muscle memory. Funny -- for some reason, I always thought I would use this again, somewhere, but dancing again was the farthest thing from my mind.
Anyway, when my daughter was three, my husband suggested I start her in dance. I was actually lukewarm to the idea, as I remembered the pain I felt, loving it and feeling unable to make it my life. I decided to try one jazz class a week, and after two weeks, switched to ballet.
And, I fell in love all over again. Within a month, I was taking at least three classes a week, and travelling thoughout the city to find a place that really fit my needs! Alas, that place did not exist. After ten months, I was accepted into a dance program at a local college, but because of my age, was not required to take an audition. (As I'd discovered, the adult is hardly ever taken seriously.) The five semesters I spent in the program (all ballet, I may add) were the most poignant of my life. I felt that I was living the life I always should have had. I felt that I had gone back in time, living a little piece of my dream. It was as unbelievably happy as it was sad.
One good thing about age is that you can be more realistic and objective about everything, including yourself. I never had any delusions about becoming professional, or even performing. But I expected to receive the training and education I was paying for; I expected to be treated with integrity and respect, and -- naively, I guess -- I expected there to be a level of professional standards and treatment, even in such an "artsy" environment.
The school's training, curriculum, rehearsal/performance process, etc., were simply not geared for an adult, and most of the teachers -- as well as the teenagers -- ignored me. The only thing that kept me going every day was my love of dance, and the fact that I was achieving things I had never before done in my life! Granted, I was not as good as most of the younger students, but at 41, and not having had danced for 15 years, didn't think I looked so horrible! I could feel myself getting stronger, more relaxed, more polished, and yet -- it all came from within. I had no support, encouragement, or feedback from the faculty.
When I finally realized that the frustration was no longer worth it, I gave notice to the artistic director, who said that if I had come to an audition, he would have "kicked me out" halfway through barre! (He couldn't have told me that before I spent thousands of dollars?)
Well, things do have a way of turning out for the best. I transferred to another school where, although no dance major is offered, the dance electives are taught by a wonderful woman who has helped in rebuilding my confidence. She has convinced me to try other styles, has allowed me to teach some of her ballet classes, and was instrumental in helping me to find part-time employment at a local studio. (Although I teach all levels and ages, my favorites are adults.) There seem to be so few of us; we need each other! Families, friends, and acquaintances may think us nuts, but we're compelled to do this for some reason!
I feel fortunate to have had the experiences I did, as they will help me become the teacher I wished I'd have had earlier. As important as technique is, everyone has something that is intangible, and when you've lived longer, you have more to bring to dance. A good teacher can be instrumental in bringing that out in you. The energy exchange, the joy, the sense of dance feeling right: those are all as much of dance as knowing the names of the steps! Even though my dreams will never come true in the actual sense, if I can motivate anyone or others to reach a small part of theirs, my journey has had a purpose. -- Karen
Why did my mother enroll me in ballet in the first place? As a child I LOVED music and I loved to dance. On my way home from school, I would sing songs to myself in my head and dance. Whenever a song came on the radio that I knew, I would also dance. Music caused a large swell of joy to roll throughout my body and the only way that I could express it was through dance.
After that first ballet experience it was 21 years before I took another dance class. But, in the meantime, I was a competitive swimmer. I learned discipline, how to love my body, and how to learn physical skills. I also developed a lot of strength (especially abdominal and back strength, which are so important to dancing) and above-average flexibility. I
stretched before and after every swim practice my whole life, which averaged about ten practices per week.
I loved my 15-year career in swimming, but even before I was done swimming, I knew that I would go back to ballet and dancing. Looking back, my swimming career also gave me low inhibition about my body. Even though I had gained 30 pounds after I finished swimming, I was never self-conscious about showing my body. (A body suit and tights shows a lot less than the two-piece training swim suits that I lived in for over 15 years.)
This really helped my dancing, because I could never understand why people would want to cover up their beautiful bodies that could move and dance and do such beautiful things!
At 27, I began calling around to dance schools in my area to find one that would take beginner adults. My first question was always, "Will you teach adult beginners?" My second one was, "Am I too tall to dance?" (I am 6'0'' in bare feet.) I found a school and signed up for one class per week.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, for it turned out well for me), the class was not a beginner class -- it was a Grade 5 Cechetti Exam class. Needless to say, I was pretty much lost the whole first year. But I was in LOVE. Even though the classes were confusing and difficult, while I was concentrating with the music and could actually feel even one small thing that my teacher was explaining to me, I felt beautiful and relaxed -- more so than during anything else I had done in my life. I was hooked.
During my second year, I started two classes per week, even though in one of them I was the only person above the age of 15. Taking two classes a week at the same level is tremendous for improving your memory and remembering from class to class what happened. That year, I was able to learn quite a bit and was dancing at the same level as my class. I did my first exam -- Standard 4 -- but after that, the rules changed and an age limit was imposed. As a adult, I was not allowed to do another exam until I reached the Elementary level.
The following year, I went all out -- dancing every night of the week. I also take jazz, modern, and tap, but ballet is my favourite. I have been on pointe for three years and currently take a pointe-only class. Pointe has enabled me to learn a lot faster about balance and my sense of energy throughout my body. I feel so light and tall when on pointe -- it truly is the beautiful sensation that I always dreamed that dancing (and specifically ballet) would be.
Our dance school has a year-end performance the entire school. I have performed in each one of the shows: Yes, even in the first year when I didn't know what I was doing! Last year I had 10 dances total, all in groups. It was a BLAST.
Currently I am working on my Cechetti Elementary Exam (the first one that I am allowed to take as an adult). It is pretty advanced, as the whole exam must be done in soft pointe shoes, and there is pointe on the exam as well. Not too bad for only four years of dancing!
Probably by next year I will be ready to expand beyond what my current dance school offers. But it will be exciting and fun. I am looking forward to it. I don't know yet where it will take me, but every dance class along the way will be filled with love and fun and learning new things! -- Kira Leskew
Eventually I gave up and stopped dancing. When I was 11, I again asked my mom whether I could take ballet lessons (my school had an after hours ballet program). Unfortunately I was already taking music lessons, and too many activities can cost a lot. We could not afford it. I then became a bedroom ballerina -- dancing (or trying to) with the help of a book in a 4-square-meter space.
I went on to become a computer programmer and married, having two children. I still wanted to dance, though. One of my colleagues then told me how she had started ballet at 26 and even performed with an amateur company.
With that seed planted, I started some research on the internet. I wanted to know how frequently people of my age (I was 23) started ballet. To my surprise their were many! I really couldn't believe it! More confident than I was feeling in a long time, I started looking for a teacher.
There weren't any teachers near us, so I had to choose one further afield, but last year, I started classes again. I absolutely love it! The teacher does not have adult beginner classes, so I'm in the RAD Elementary class. Even though I struggle to keep up with pupils much younger than myself, I will not give up. It's great. Even better is the acceptance that I feel in class. Nobody looks at me funny or makes derogatory remarks. My teacher is also great. Nobody is a favourite (not even her daughter in the same class),
and everybody just works hard and enjoy herself.
I used to suffer from major depression. Now I'm off medication! My body feels great and I have a lot more energy than I used to. This year I will also be starting at another studio that does have adult beginner classes.
Eventually I would like to start or join an amateur company that would take dancing
to disadvantaged communities in our country, South Africa. For now, however,
I am just happy to be dancing. -- Elizebeth Erasmus
I had studied ballet as a child and also some in college, and I had done ballroom dancing for several years as a teenager, even to the point of doing exhibitions and teaching my parents to dance. Now what I really wanted to do was to take a ballet class again.
But I was 33, and imagined that everybody else in the class would be under 25 and that I might be laughed at. Then I remembered having seen a ballet workout video advertised in a book club announcement, so I bought a copy of it and began using it. It was so much fun that I did that same video every other day for about two years! When I learned that there had been a second one made by the same teacher, I bought that one also and did it for another year.
Finally, I grew tired of doing the same exercises over and over in my living room. Now that I felt I knew a little something about ballet, I gathered up my courage and called a dance studio to find out about ballet classes. To my utter delight, the teacher informed me that her students ranged in age all the way from 5 to 75! So I joined the class.
The first thing I found out was that my alignment was all wrong. Videos don't correct anything, so if you don't really know what you're doing, you'll just keep doing it wrong. Also, I learned to do turns and flying leaps for the first time in many years. I planned to take two classes each week, but after the first class, I was so sore that I couldn't go to the next class. Then I realized how much work I would have to do to really learn ballet.
The classes became almost an addiction for me. I started going to class four nights a week and went home feeling totally exhilarated. Furthermore, learning ballet was giving me confidence and poise. I was also starting to like my body again. I was slim to begin with, but now I was also becoming muscular. While other people my age (I was now 37) were getting fat, I was actually improving my body. But more importantly, I was beginning to feel a passion and a love for dance that filled my heart. I was truly a person with a new lease on life.
Toward the end of my first year, my class of adults was asked to be in the yearly recital. I didn't know if I would like performing, but decided to try it. It turned out to be a wonderful experience. Rehearsing for shows made me feel like a "real" dancer and it turned out that I loved performing!
However, the most exciting thing about that year was yet to come. I was going on pointe! I had had a dream of dancing on pointe since I was a child, but had begun to think I was too old and that I'd have to forget about it. However, my teacher was very open-minded, and she encouraged it. The only thing more exciting in my life than getting my first pair of pointe shoes was having my two daughters.
By this time, I was very serious about ballet. I was going to class four nights a week and rehearsing for the yearly recitals. It was amazing how far I had come since the day I had called about my first class. Now it was time for me to figure out why I was so serious about ballet when I was in my late 30s. What could I do with it? I just wanted to dance, but who would hire me? One thing to consider was that I had learned so much that the ballet teacher occasionally asked to substitute for her in teaching children's classes.
The next phase of my development came when I moved to a different city and enrolled in classes at two studios. One of the classes was a teen-adult class in which the teacher corrected only the teens and mostly ignored the adults. That was not what I wanted. I was there to learn, so after two or three classes there, I left.
The other studio had a teacher who taught the Royal Academy of Dancing ballet syllabus.
I found that method very interesting. The exercises were deceptively simple: they looked easy but were very challenging. I learned quite a lot of technique and placement from that teacher. Now I had knowledge of two different schools of ballet, but then the RAD teacher left. She was replaced by a succession of very good teachers, most of whom were supportive of adult students.
One night in class I noticed that there were several students who were very new to ballet and the teacher was confronted with the problem of teaching basic beginners and intermediate students in the same class. I wished I could work with those people and teach them the basics. They were lost and discouraged, and didn’t return to the class the following week. I knew why that was and wished I could help them.
So my dream became this: to give others like me the opportunity to learn what I have learned and to discover that they can do things beyond their wildest expectations. I want to teach people who nobody else wants to work with and help them fulfill their potential and make their dreams come true. My own dream has mostly come true already, but teaching others would complete it. My ultimate goal is to own my own studio.
When a person finally figures out her calling, defines her dreams, and achieves them (or at least works toward them), she gets a degree of joy out of life that nothing can equal. This has made me a better person in all areas of my life because I’m so much happier now. So I say to everyone reading this: you can do it! Pursue your dreams. If you love ballet—or any kind of dance—don’t let anything stop you! -- Olive G.
I have a theory that everything in life happens for a reason, and that there is always some lesson to be learned from from an unpleasant -- even horrible -- experience. With my back surgery, I learned several things.
First, that your body is a temple and you are free to do with it as you please. You can take care of it, nurture it, and love it, or just sit there and let all that energy go to waste. Second, life is incredibly precious -- and short. Every little second of it should be savored. It is amazing how vulnerable and fragile life really is, and how easy it is to take it for granted. Third, when you are physically unable to tie your own shoes, you find out who your real friends are! And fourth, you can either live with a disability, or overcome it.
I never thought I would be able walk well again, let alone dance! But in early 1997, I decided I would take a ballet class -- after all, it couldn't hurt! I thought it would help increase my flexibility and would be good for stress.
It worked! The progress in the beginning was slow, and boy did I come home sore! I took class at one studio for a couple of years, until my favorite ballet instructor died.
Again, my catch-all way of feeling good about something so terrible kicked in. I wondered what lesson there was for me in Myra's passing. She had a passion for dance and danced even though she was well into her 50s. Myra also suffered from a disability, and yet it never held her back. Voila: the lesson!
I was going to keep dancing, and now with a passion, for Myra...and me! I started taking an extra class after her death, and began devoting myself to dance seriously. In no time, I was able to move up into an intermediate class. I was so happy, and began to feel like I was really dancing!
Within a year, I was able to begin pointe work! Pointe work!!! I couldn't believe it! I loved to watch the ballerinas on pointe and how beautiful and graceful they looked. I began pointe classes at another school, and even took up a jazz class. It was such a blast!
It was pretty funny because the kids in my class were so young! I couldn't get over how much older I was then they were. (I was 39 and they were 10 or 12.) But anyway...I was determined to do it! It has been slow in coming, but my teacher tells me I am making a lot of progress. It has been a little painful, but I am doing well in coping with my disability and at times I feel just like a kid again.
I have started to choreograph a beautiful dance to a Celtic mood CD. I have not had a performance opportunity yet, but hope my dance will be shown in the local choreographer's workshop. There are several other girls from my class who want to participate. Also, I'll be trying out for small parts in "Dracula" and the "Nutcracker."
Ann has sent in an update (even before I had a chance to get her story online):
The audition I went to required improvisation -- and I freaked. After all my years of stage experience, for the first time I totally choked. It was that experience that made me take the bull by the horns and start taking dance class.
The first year, I took an adult jazz class. At the recital -- my first, of course -- I was never so nervous in my whole life! But I got through it. The next year, my teacher had me do a jazz solo. Interestingly enough, at the recital, about a minute or so into the dance, I blanked -- but was able to improvise the next eight counts to get myself back on track. Even though I messed up, I was so proud of the fact that I was able to cover it up.
That same year I added tap class, and continued with both jazz and tap at the same studio for two more years, performing in recitals (in group numbers) for the remaining time I was there. But, I started to get bored because the other adult students weren't as serious about it as I was. They came pretty much for the social and exercise aspects. I wasn't learning enough, especially in tap, and I thought it was time to add ballet to my repertoire, while this studio didn't offer adult ballet.
My decision to change studios was the best one I ever made. The studio I dance for now, Broadway Bound Dance Academy in Media, Pennsylvania has a thriving adult population. Donna Ranalli, the studio owner (and my tap and jazz teacher) is just fantastic. She has some really well-seasoned adult dancers, and I was rather
intimidated when I first came. But, both Donna and the other students have been very encouraging and
inspirational. The studio also has an absolutely wonderful ballet teacher who teaches our adult class.
Our adult tap class danced in the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day Parade, and I never worked so hard as I did to learn that routine! I felt like I had really accomplished something when I did that parade.
This year, I participated in competions with all three of my adult classes in tap, jazz and ballet. And our tap class went on to win the National Championship in the I Love Dance Competition Forty-Plus(!) Division in NYC this past August. What a blast that was!
In addition to group recital numbers in tap, jazz, and ballet, I wound up doing a fourth number in our June show. Our tap teacher, Donna, had taken some master classes with Savion Glover and devised a routine in his style to the rap number "Let Me Clear My Throat." What a completely different experience this was after coming from the Broadway tap style. We all wore baggy jeans and t-shirts, and baseball caps. The audience went nuts on it!
Classes have started up again and our goal is to get to the Nationals in Las Vegas this year. My 9-year old daughter asked me if I was still going to dancing when I was 80! As long as I can move my legs I'll be dancing for the rest of my life.
I've never worked so hard for something as I have for dance, but I'm having an absolute blast (and at 40 years old, I feel that's a real accomplishment)! -- Janet
So with great trepidation I looked in the phone book and found a studio just a mile from my home, and on Jan. 6, 1997, I took my first class. I was 33, way to old for such a difficult discipline (as one friend told me). I was scared to death and terribly determined.
I made my whole family work around my six-hour-a-week habit. They took it in stride and joined me sometimes. My husband actually took ballroom for about a year with me and my girls take ballet, tap, and jazz as their motivation
permits.
I am a perfectionist when it comes to dance, which can be fortunate or not depending on the day. During my first three months I was SO discouraged. I would come home so depressed, sometimes in tears. My husband would say, "I thought you loved ballet?" To which I would sob, "Yes, I do. That is the problem."
I knew in my heart how it should feel and look, and I knew I was far from it. My body felt stiff and uncooperative. The terminology was strange and difficult to remember; sometimes the teachers seemed calloused to my struggle. They pushed me with their words and tried to mold me with their hands. I was so out of shape, overweight, and just out of it, exercise wise.
After six months I felt more competent. The instructors knew me better, too. The studio is a small one with several other adults who have started dancing as adults. One started at 36 and is near 60 now. The small classes gave me a lot of room to improve--and lots of attention.
The studio has four ballet (pointe for the ambitious) classes a week, one jazz, one tap, and one ballroom class. I signed up for unlimited classes and went to all of
them. In October, after 10 months of working VERY hard (as only we obsessed types can), my teacher suggested that I was strong enough for pointe shoes.
I was WAY too excited. My family was in the middle of purchasing our first home and I had to wait until Dec. 3 to go with my teacher to get shoes. I was so thankful for her assistance. I wouldn't have had a clue how to find pointe
shoes. My teacher said they need to feel perfect in the store or don't get them. If they are bad in the ballet store they will be worse on the ballet floor.
We tried on shoes for two hours. My feet were sore just from that--but I was determined to dance on them that night. I was terrified and excited and as hyper as a person could be. It wasn't helpful that everyone said I would have sore bleeding feet by the end. Fortunately they were wrong.
Every day I would practice at home for 10 to 15 minutes on my own and gradually worked up to a complete workout on my own at my friend's home that had a mirror and floor that was big enough. (She thought I was REALLY nuts and would ruin my feet and body dancing on my toes.) The reality was that my whole ballet technique got better. If your feet are sickled or you aren't pulling up you can really tell when you are on pointe. Within about a month
my shoes started breaking down. I was practicing a lot on my own and only doing one pointe class (the rest in soft shoes).
By April I had to get new shoes and actually found some in a close-out bin for $13. Such a deal!!! They were great and didn't hurt my toes at all. So after one Saturday morning class I mentioned to my teacher that I could just
keep dancing now that I was warmed up and she said go ahead. Well, I killed my feet. You see, in class you do an exercise and then you rest or talk about it. Well, on my own I didn't take any breaks. This was my great opportunity with the whole floor to myself. So, I went home that day with black toes--and couldn't do pointe for a whole week. (Eventually the toenails came off, but not much pain after that first week or two.)
Thanks again to the small studio, my teacher asked me to do the Ugly Duckling solo in our small spring recital. You would have thought it was a Broadway premiere the way my emotions were. I was SO challenged. Ballet took on a
whole new meaning to me. I ate "ballerina food," talked and practiced ballet every chance I had, and made a white tutu with sparkles. I even went to the kid's ballet classes to practice my part with them. Our family friends would
tease me about "ballerina food," and my kids were really excited for me. They were in the recital too. My husband and I did a ballroom number, and at the last minute, my teacher gave me a jazz solo to do as well (it helped to take
my mind off of being the Ugly Duckling).
The recital came off well, but of course the video was pretty terrible to me. I can see all of the flaws and my lack of confidence. It is VERY frustrating to me--but I keep plugging along.
Ballet has changed my life and I think it will continue to do so. I have lost weight, have muscles and feel more confident. My husband thinks I look great, and my kids see that there are no limits to what we can do in our lives. I perform for their classes at school and tell the children about dancing. I am proud of all of the aspects of my life now as a wife, homemaker, part-time band instructor, and dancer--among other things :) . I think my husband is
proud of me, too.
I talk to many women who are too afraid to even try something as romantic-sounding as ballet. I don't have the classic ballerina body, but I have the hope that I can become good enough and look good enough that my dancing would be enjoyable to watch for the average person. I am hoping to find more outlets for older dancers to perform or do workshops. Most conferences and camps are for teens or very young adults.
My next big step will be to go to some different dance classes here in Los Angeles where I live. It feels frightening, but I know I will do it--eventually... .
I can remember as a child I loved to dance. I would listen
to classical music and dance in my bedroom as if I were a princess dancing for my audience of teddy bears and raggedy dolls. Unfortunately, my mother never put me in any kind of dance lesson. I guess she never realized my love for classical music and dance and so I remained a bedroom ballerina for the next 15 years.
About three years ago, I was in a head-on collision with a drunk driver. I broke my foot, my hand, some ribs and busted up my head pretty bad. All I can say is that I am lucky that is all that happened. I was knocked unconscious for about five minutes. Those five minutes changed my life forever.
I had a vision or a dream, if you will, that I was on a
beautiful marble stage performing for angels. I looked at my feet and saw myself dancing on pointe and moving with such fluidity and grace. I woke up to find myself smashed up against the steering wheel and a ton of glass stuck in my head. I was in shock so I didn't feel my broken bones yet.
As my days of recovery passed, I swore to myself that I was going to start taking ballet lessons as soon as I was able to. I was bedridden for a couple of weeks so I asked my mother to buy me every ballet book she could find at the used book store, and so she did. I read them as if they quenched a thirst that had been building for a long time. My heart ached to dance.
As I got stronger, I started to teach myself anything I could from the books such as the positions of the arms and feet. The different types of arabesques and pirouettes. How to plié and how to balance. It seemed to come very naturally to me.
After several months of therapy, it was time for me to find a school. I went to visit several ballet schools but I couldn't find one that offered adult ballet. After almost giving up all hope, my sweet boyfriend suggested a school that his ex used to attend. I was a little upset at first but then I decided to check it out.
I pulled into the driveway and I knew that this was the one. It felt like heaven to me. It was a large white school with spacious windows and a wonderful air about it. Sure enough they offered adult classes! I can remember hearing the piano music while I was discussing options with the director. Chopin was playing. I wanted to start dancing right there, but I had to wait a week.
My first class was adult beginning ballet. I loved it more than I can even explain. I remember looking out of the window of the studio and thinking about how it sure beat dancing in my bedroom. I looked in the mirror at my reflection while we were at the barre with a huge smile on my face. The highlight of the class was when one of the other students asked me how long I had been dancing because it was obvious to her that this wasn't my first time. I thought to myself, 'if only she knew.'
Several months of beginning ballet went by and I decided that I needed to dance more. I needed more of a challenge. So I joined the intermediate class. I had two classes a week. During that time I had built my own little homemade studio in my apartment. I made a barre from wood that I bought from Home Depot and stuck a ton of mirrors all
over the place. Not a day has gone by that I have not done some type of ballet work in my 'ballet room.'
One day the director of my school suggested that I take a Level 5 class which met three times a week. When she called to ask me I almost cried. Sure, there would be younger girls in the class, but I didn't care. I would have taken 20 classes a week if I could have. The director of my school has been very supportive of me. She recognized my love for ballet. She tells all of the teachers how dedicated I am. One day while she was teaching our intermediate class, she told me that she was amazed I had only been dancing for such a short period of time. I am very grateful for her and her school.
Well, almost two years have gone by now, and I am happy to say that I have six classes a week and I am loving it. Everyday I strive to become better and live out the promise I made to myself. I hope to one day join a company, but if that doesn't happen, I want to teach adults ballet. As long as there is music to dance to, my body will follow. I still have my audience of teddy bears and dolls. They are a constant reminder to me to never give up. After all, they have been watching me dance for over 15 years....
Update (2/99):
I have already been to two rehearsals and I love it. I definitely keep up with the rest of the company, but the
problem is I'm pretty new at pointe. Most of the girls have had a few years already.
I am so happy. Two of my dreams have come true [teaching and performing], and next year I will
be on stage dancing in Sleeping Beauty.
And, in an additional e-mail:
Not that this matters, but I got the role that another girl danced last year and they tended to keep everyone in the same spots if they were in the ballet before. That almost made me feel like I didn't deserve the part but deep down, I know it was the part for me. I think that I am still in denial. I am so happy.
And, yet more:
Unfortunately, I can't do it because it conflicts with Sleeping Beauty, and I wouldn't give that up for anything.
I have been practicing about seven days a week, and the need to keep going gets stronger every day.
And, the latest update from Christina (who's now 25) 4.99:
I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. The director has me dancing in almost all of the three acts. I have a good hour of dancing in the whole ballet.
I have been practicing en pointe like a madwoman for the past five months and it has really paid off. Almost a year ago, I didn't think I would be able to do anything in pointe shoes and now I'm dancing a whole ballet in them. There is a very special irony to me about this ballet. When I was little, when I used to dance around in my room, my favorite song was the waltz from Sleeping Beauty. Now, every time I am at my rehearsals and I hear that song, I am taken back and a wonderful feeling fills my heart. It just feels right to me that my first ballet should be Sleeping Beauty, The music just engulfs my soul. I have a beautiful light blue tutu with silver trim and tiny crystals on it. I look at it every day. I know when that curtain goes up and when I make my entrance, it is going to be like walking into the most beautful dream I could ever imagine. Even though I am not Sleeping Beauty , I am
going to feel like a queen. A queen who is awakening to her dream come true. I am going to dance with every ounce of energy in my body. I have shed many tears and sometimes felt like giving up during my ballet training, but now I am happy to say it has all been worth it.
I was influenced by a dance teacher at a local community college where I work. When I was interpreting for a deaf student who was taking her class, I had the opportunity to watch her teach, and listen to her speak to her students.
I felt that I was being drawn to dance even though I am large and very unflexible. The dance teacher, Luana, accepted me in her class, and called me a dancer as she did to all her students in the class.
My life has been a struggle with foot problems, weight problems and feeling very frustrated. I knew that I had a calling in dance. I knew where I belonged, but circumstance seemed to shout very loudly that I was wasting my time. Here is what changed my life.
I joined a dance production class two years ago in which Luana was choreographing a piece called 'Freedom Ring.' The music was outstanding, and had a short narration from Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech about having a dream. The theme of the concert was acknowledging our limitations and putting them down.
All the lies and excuses we had been told over the years were represented by ropes. My job was two-fold. I was to hold the rope that was tied around a dancer's waist. I could not let her go because I was an extension of her limitations. It chokes me up just thinking about it! She danced, twisting and turning, pulling and pushing, and yet, I could not let go. After the second of four performances, we became as one.
Then it was my turn to come out with my rope. Through all the rehearsals I had to really do some soul searching as to what my limitations really were. I had to try to express
them through dance. This was a 30-minute piece, so there were many dancers going through this same process, each coming to terms with the rope tied around her waist, and what it meant in her real life. As a result of struggling with all my insecurities and doubts, this poem was birthed:
Awakening
I must move on to higher levels, deeper understanding.
Bodies, locked in memories silenced, trapped in abstract worlds separated from reality.
Dance. . .mirrors, smooth clear waters reflect what is real.
AWAKENING!
I have some performing experience with a regional ballet company, here in Southern California, but my great love is for teaching what I refer to as 'novice adult dancers.' Sure, one must start at the beginning, and one must learn the basics, so either of those terms could be used for the purpose, but I prefer the term 'novice.'
Perhaps it is just semantics, but I feel strongly that the Dance is a Calling, and anyone who feels the draw in that direction, no matter their age, is undertaking an endeavor which can be likened to joining a Holy Order, (but unlike the Christian Orders, I do not require saintliness of my students, only that they have an unfaltering desire to dance to the best of their individual abilities!).
You see, I always emphasize to my students, the spiritual and artistic aspects of their undertaking. (I am also a sculptor/visual artist, as well as being a certified fitness trainer.) I mean, sure, adult novices are not likely to become professionals in the field of dance, but that does not make their need to receive first-class training and encouragement any less important.
The key is to acknowledge that their endeavor is fueled by an underlying passion/spiritual connection, and to structure training so that the students never lose sight of that which drew them to dance: the transcendence, the other-worldliness, the sublimity, the beauty.
I have had students respond well to my outlook. I tell them not to be impatient, disappointed, or discouraged, because they are, after all, works in progress. They are literally sculpting themselves into a Thing of Beauty, and must not to forget that it takes a lot of time and perseverance to
become a Masterpiece.
Also, I make sure that it is not about competition or comparison to others, but only about self-improvement and fulfillment of personal potential. Students’ only limitations are in their own minds, and not in their bodies.
I always remind them that, for instance, a perfect cou-de-pied position is aesthetically much more pleasing than an askew passé, or that a strongly held passé relevé is preferable to a sloppily executed pirouette. There is no need to rush things in order to be able to do tricks. They can go to a Dolly Dinkle studio if they want to learn gimmicks. Ballet is about artistry, and that striving towards
perfection is a lifelong process.
Also, I make sure that none of us ever takes ourselves too seriously. There is a lot to be said for the interjection of just the right amount of comic relief into the proceedings, but not, of course, at the expense of dedication and discipline.
As a novice adult dancer myself, I have great empathy for others in that situation. I feel fortunate that I was strong (self-deluded?) enough in the certainty of my Calling to sustain me through all the years of derision I endured.
Two: Motivation
So what of those of us who did not discover our affinity for this uncompromising discipline until we were well into adulthood? How can we muster ourselves to face odds in a milieu which is not geared towards us who dance as an avocation? How do we motivate ourselves in a world that is set up to cater to only the very young, who might yet still have the chance to become professional dancers?
First of all, let me just explain that I classify anyone with a passion to express him or herself through movement as a Dancer. Whether or not one is paid for one’s dancing is not the point. The point is that one feels a calling to dance, and dedicates a part of one’s existence to pursuit of the calling, and anytime one is unable to dance, one feels a palpable emptiness. Now that is what makes one a true
Dancer!
It is unfortunate that so few resources exist presently for novice adult dancers, and so tools for self-motivation are harder to come by. In all actuality, however, motivation is not something one gets from the outside. It must come from within you, and you alone. Unless you have an
unwavering drive to dance, no matter the odds against you, then you do not have what it takes to be a Dancer.
Only you will know in your heart of hearts if you can live with or without dancing. If the answer is that you can take it or leave it, then it is likely not something that you have an undying passion for!
How does one know if one is really passionate about something? Well, in my case, my heart quickens a bit whenever I hear the music from a ballet score, I devour my issue of Dance Magazine as soon as I get it out of the mailbox, I go to classes religiously, and if I have to miss, I feel incomplete.
When I had two surgeries for nerve damage in both my feet, about three years ago, I would sit in front of the VCR, with my crutches at my side, watching ballet videos, and do port de bras, and head movements along with the dancers. I never let my injuries stop me from participating in some way, any way, with what I love doing!
One must understand, that actually being in class is only very small component of being a Dancer. A true Dancer practices his or her art every spare minute, be it marking steps learned in class earlier, or reading dance history, or talking about dance to others who also love it, or anticipating the next class.
That is true motivation -- a deep and abiding passion for dance. Having dance be such a real presence for you in your life, that it becomes like another person to you, something with which you develop a strong relationship, for better and for worse.
Yes, having enough love for what you do, to be able to work through the bad times, injuries, and times when you feel like a cow. Working through NO MATTER WHAT!
No matter if the others in your class are better, older, whatever. Because when you dance, nothing else matters but the here and now. No one else exists because you are so involved in what you are doing. The roof could cave in and you won't notice because you are working from the depth of your being.
That is motivation, and it must be there, within you. It can not be purchased or gotten from others. Either you have it or you do not. Ego gratification has no place here. True motivation transcends all trivial and peripheral matters. Simple as that.
I have such definite ideas on this subject, that I sometimes find myself worked up to a fevered pitch about it! I fought like a dog to find a place for myself in the world of ballet, and I have, after my share of struggle, in my way, succeeded.
My past detractors, and those who once looked upon me as a pitiable wannabe have had to do an about-face: a former instructor who used to stop class occasionally, to tut and muse aloud that perhaps one such as I might be reincarnated as a dancer in my 'next' life. Or the ladies of leisure who shunned me in class, because my low-paying social service job forced me to purchase my leotards and tights at (sniff) thrift shops, and I (shudder) cleaned the studio to pay my tuition. Ha! I 'showed' them! Although that was not at all my motivation for dancing. I just wanted IT really badly.
So, just what was IT to me? To become strong and graceful, to appear to be poised (I was painfully shy
in younger years), and to have an elegant presence. And you know what? I have all those things, and more. And I will have them for the rest of my life.
But the best thing is that, for instance, when I find myself among other dancers, such as when I go backstage, as an audience member, to congratulate performers afterward, and I am introduced to someone I have not previously known, the new dancer invariably will look at me and without a moment's hesitation ask where I have danced, or who I have studied with. It is such a great feeling to be
acknowledged as One of Them! And it is incidents such as that which suffice as my reward for all the struggle and years of dedication.
So one day I was watching this Canadian program about a Canadian dancer of whom I had never heard, Karen Kain. I was really impressed. She was a wonderfully charismatic lady, who was also, pardon the expression, human.
She spoke of her struggles growing up in the National Ballet School, her bout of depression, etc. And I was intrigued.
Shortly thereafter, I learned of her upcoming retirement, and her farewell ballet. I decided to go see it. And, from there, the rest is history.
I loved it, and began taking adult ballet classes. I am not
kidding when I say "no previous experience." Heck, I know
I am not very good, I know that I will never become a ballerina, and I know that I am old (hehe). But, I love it.
I have fun, I get frustrated with my body and its refusal to do what I tell it to, and my only real goal with this is to get up on pointe.
I love the way it looks and sounds when I watch ballet, and I love the amazing musicality of the dancers. So, to achieve this is really beyond my dreams, but working
towards it is satisfaction enough for me. So as I say to
myself . . . "Dance On." :)
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